My Journey of Gratitude - Day 30

I began these 30 days in gratitude as an experiment to see what would happen. It quickly became a journey that took me on a trip beyond what I could have ever imagined. I expected to be changed certainly, but something even more amazing happened that I did not foresee--I was revealed.

In this field of healing that I so dearly love, we talk about changing our minds, changing our lives, changing our beliefs. But what I've come to realize is that, in doing all that, we are not changing ourselves--we are simply revealing who we've always been, Changing your beliefs doesn't change you--it reveals you.

When who you are is revealed and you live from that revealed self, your life begins to reflect that--and we call that change.

It may seem like I'm playing at semantics when you read this, but I can tell you that the experience between changing myself and revealing my true self is very different.

It feels like being covered by so many layers of thick blankets, that my Self is hidden. Then, one by one, each blanket is removed until there is just me--my True Self--jumping up and saying with delight "Here I am!"

I am not changed; I am revealed.

While some of my outer circumstances still remain to be dealt with, I no longer look at them as challenges to be overcome. In this revelation of who I am, I see them as opportunities. Opportunities for growth; opportunities to spread my wings and try new things; opportunities to allow more magic and miracles into my life.

And this is where one leg of my journey ends and a new one begins.  I am called to be open to and explore the magic and miracles that are present when I live in a state of gratitude.

So my Inner Chicken and I have new waves to surf and new adventures to take. Where we end up is beyond my ability to imagine, but I trust that magic and miracles will play a large role in wherever we go.

It is an exciting thought--magic and miracles abound, just waiting for me to recognize, allow and accept them.

Thank you for walking this journey with me. I am grateful for my life, for my new opportunities and for you.

I would love to hear your stories, your questions and your experiences.  Please feel free to comment!

In gratitude,

Bonnie

My Journey of Gratitude - Day 29

This morning's journey took me into a place of stillness and inner peace. I enjoyed the feeling of silence around me and the stillness within me, but that was just the beginning of my journey.

Gratitude led to peace which took me to a place of deepest love--love of life and love for life.

This is that place of every-thing and no-thing. The 'void' that I used to fear but now wrap around me like a warm blanket. It is always in this void, this place before creation, that I experience my deepest truths and my deepest understandings. It is not a place I get to often, but today I did.

Sitting in this energy of every-thing and no-thing, I am free to be re-created into a new thing.

Gratitude exists in this place as well. I'm finding that gratitude exists everywhere. It feels like the glue that holds the universe together and allows Love to enter in.

Love and fear are the only 2 real emotions. Everything else you experience are aspects of one or the other. It is impossible for them to exist in the same place at the time. You are either in a state of love or a state of fear in any given moment.

The state of gratitude opens the door for love to enter in and reside within you. Fear, then has no room and no reason to exist.

But we live in a world of duality--good/evil, right/wrong, gain/loss--with fear, chaos and conflict seemingly in charge. That is one aspect of reality, but it does not need to be the only aspect I experience.

With each day of this journey I understand on ever deepening levels not just the importance and benefits of living in gratitude, but the amazing tool for transformation that gratitude is.

No other tool is as easy to employ to change your experience of life. It costs nothing, needs no user manual to assemble and is available to you in every moment.

You simply close your eyes, take a deep breath and say 'thank you'. Your Spirit self can take it from there.

Gratitude can be the next great adventure of your life--if you allow it.

My eyes closed, a deep breath and thank you for being on this journey with me.

In gratitude,

Bonnie

My Journey of Gratitude - Day 28

Some days I just have to laugh at what a slow learner I can be. Today is one of those days! I began my usual process of stepping into gratitude, especially giving thanks for these past 30 days, which are quickly coming to an end.

As I was expressing my gratitude for an experience yesterday that I would preferred to not have had, I realized that being in a state of gratitude does not keep me from feeling old worries and fears, nor does it protect me from the challenges in life. I find that I still worry and fret over what isn't going well in my life and at times old beliefs still pop up and get in my way. It's part of the human experience I suppose; just not the most pleasant part.

The state of gratitude does not guarantee me sunshine and rainbows every day.
What it does do is give me an essential tool to quickly shift my perspective and my experience.

Remember that gratitude is also a choice. I can take the time, even in the midst of anger or worry, to choose to feel gratitude for something. I may not enter the state of gratitude, but I can certainly shift my mood with the feeling of gratitude. To say to myself "I choose this instead of that."

With that understanding came an image of how I've been practicing gratitude up to this point. Practicing it--not being it. It is a journey after all, not a destination, so learning wisdom along the way is a good thing.

The image I saw was of me carrying a huge, heavy rock. This rock was so big that it blocked my view of where I was heading. I had to crane my neck to see around it, but right in front of me--just a big ole piece of impenetrable rock.

Now the interesting thing is that I've carried this 2 ton piece of earth with me for so long that it became part of me--who knew!

I saw that during this journey of stepping into gratitude, I would unconsciously put the rock down, step into gratitude and have my beautiful experience--and then pick up that darn rock again and continue on my not-so-merry way. No wonder I often feel exhausted and can't always 'see' where I'm headed!

Because change is a choice, gratitude is a choice--I made a choice to let go of the rock and try something new. I didn't need nor did I want that rock any longer, and I no longer wanted my journey of gratitude to be separate from who I am, what I do and where I'm headed.

At first the rock turned into a pile of gifts--gifts that I can offer to others, but they were still heavy and still blocked my vision. Not yet matching my vision.

So I sat there as gratitude came to me--that was a new experience. Gratitude stepping into me rather than vice versa. As I allowed myself to be bathed in and invigorated by this state of gratitude, the gifts disappeared completely and there was only me standing there with no obstacles to block my vision.

Me. My knowledge, skills, talents and personality are the gifts I bring to my life and to my clients. Who I am-exactly as I am--is the gift I bring.

Who you are, exactly as you are-that is the gift you bring to the world.

And that knowing my friends is worth this entire journey! For this I am most grateful.

What are your stories, your questions, your opinions? I am grateful for you in my life and would love to hear from you.

In gratitude,
Bonnie

My Journey of Gratitude - Day 27

These past 27 days have been rich with learning, understanding and healing. The more I learn, the more I realize how much more there is to learn. I settled into my 10 minutes of gratitude this morning curious what I would experience. Expecting the usual learning and understanding, I felt a different energy begin to flow in.
 

Receiving--the energy of receiving began flowing strongly through me. Then I realized that my focus had been on what I could learn about myself on this journey, that it had not dawned on me that I could simply receive gratitude.

 

Gratitude is more than being thankful, more than expressing gratefulness; it is also receiving gratitude as well as expressing it.

 

So I relaxed even more into this state and felt myself being divinely loved. I felt for the very first time the Divine Intelligence expressing gratitude for my existence. I felt the gratitude of others grateful for me.

 

Talk about a big turn-around in understanding! I have been so busy practicing the state of gratitude that I had forgotten that others are grateful for my existence as much as I am grateful for theirs.

 

I sat with my heart melting open and tears of joy welling up in my eyes as I understood a simple yet profound truth--the divine creator of life cherishes my existence...is grateful for me being here now, being me.

 

This state of gratitude is a full body-mind-spirit experience of giving-receiving-blessings. Being in a state of gratitude allows my Soul to be a full participant in my life. Being in a state of gratitude allows YOUR Soul to be a full participant in your life--if you allow it.

  

"I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul." And my existence is made sacred and holy through this state of gratitude.

 

When I am in gratitude I feel the entire universe open to me and for me. And that is a most delicious feeling.

I welcome your thoughts and your stories.

In gratitude,

Bonnie

My Journey of Gratitude - Day 26

Through my experiences on this journey of gratitude I have learned that expressing thankfulness is one aspect of gratitude.  Feeling gratitude is another aspect.  Being in the state of gratitude amplifies both expression (thoughts) and feeling and creates a different energy--a new vibration that is more powerful than its separate parts.  Being in the state of being called gratitude, this new energy moves from being in the mind only into the body and expands both.  It truly becomes a body-mind-spirit experience of gratitude.

I felt the shift more deeply this morning.  Instead of my awareness being experienced in my mind, my conscious awareness going up & out, the expansion of gratitude dropped down & in so that I experienced body-mind-spirit all in gratitude at once--as one being state.

This was an experience of deepening that opened greater understanding of who I am beyond this physical body.  I feel a healing of separation happening, not yet complete, but spreading.  A blending that is at once curious and exciting.

You know that experience where you reach a certain point and the experience takes on a life of its own and continues to grow and spread exponentially?  It feels very much like the beginning of new life--three things (thoughts, feeling and state of being) coming together in creation.  The big bang theory.  The beginning of new life.  An expansion in control of itself.

I feel it in my cells as well as my thoughts.  Something new and different has been creating and is developing organically on its own. 

Just as I was excited about meeting the new life that was growing within me each time I was pregnant, I feel new life growing within me now--body-mind-spirit and I am excited about the possibilities and the final outcome when what has been created is birthed into my life.

Today I feel a new state of gratitude growing within me and I am most thankful for the changes I feel.  This journey is giving birth to a new me and I am excited about meeting her when she is ready to be born anew into this reality.

As always, I would love to hear about your experiences, your questions and your stories.

In gratitude,
Bonnie

My Journey of Gratitude - Day 25

The more time I spend in gratitude, the less I have to say. After a while it is the state of being in gratitude that becomes the norm and words seem to pale in comparison.

The holiday season is in full swing now and my journey with gratitude has changed how I feel about this time of year and how I plan to celebrate it. This year I hold a deeper send of joy and peace within myself than in years past. It is a peace and joy that no longer needs the frenzy of shopping or trying to find just the right gift for someone to make their Christmas special.

That is an old trap that keeps me focused on being perfect and feeds the erroneous belief that I am personally responsible for the joy of the season. And that is a path that robs me of the joy, peace and magic that is meant to be part of this year.

This year, using the state of gratitude, I am opening the doors to expect and experience magic and miracles to show up in my life in wonderful new ways. My focus for this season is different. I will be spending more time in joy-filled activities with those I love and very little time out in the crazy chaos of shopping.

Instead, I will take pleasure in making gifts for loved ones as I used to do many years ago. To create, bake, simmer, sew and knit for others has always brought me great pleasure. Thinking of the person as I create something just for them keeps me in that state of gratitude; I can pour my love and best wishes into everything I make.

This time in gratitude has rearranged my priorities and shown me what is truly important in my life--and 'things' aren't it. Spending time with those I love, creating new memories and new traditions and engaging in activities that make us laugh and appreciate life more--that is where the magic of the season is.

In each other.

As my 30 day journey of gratitude draws to a close this week, I feel the shift from "I" more and more into 'we' and 'us'. My sense of 'I' is so filled with gratitude as a way of living that it can't help but spill over to others. This journey really is not just about me; it is about 'all'.

As I prepare to re-enter my life differently, I am grateful for each new understanding and each new event that comes my way.

In gratitude for all,
Bonnie

My Journey of Gratitude - Day 24

The remains of yesterday's turkey simmering on the stove on its way to becoming tomorrow's soup, I allowed that delicious aroma to take me deeper into my state of gratitude this morning.  Thoughts of yesterday's time with family floated across my mind until I had given thanks for each person, each bite of food and each memory.

Then a deep sense of inner peace flowed through me, and there I stayed, floating in peace and feeling at one with the world.

When I finally opened my eyes, 20 minutes had flown by!  I realized that while life has its ups and downs, it also has its times of peaceful plateaus.

Today I am grateful for my plateau where I can simply relax in peace and love for the day.

All is well--and for that I am most grateful.

Please feel free to share your experiences!  I welcome knowing how you experience gratitude and all that you are grateful for in your life.

In gratitude,
Bonnie

My Journey of Gratitude - Day 22

"Woman thou art loosed." That is the title of a movie that I have never seen, yet those were the first words I heard this morning as I slipped into gratitude.

Powerful words within this state of gratitude. An opening, a shift of something intangible but very real happened. A strong sense of personal power flowed through me, very different than the personal power I carried within me before. Something deeper, broader, higher.

And a new fire was born within me.

Not the 'fire in the belly' masculine power nor the gentle internal knowing of feminine power, but something very different. As if the two came together and created something new.

This experience did not flow from the feeling of gratitude; this new sense of personal power flowed into the space that being in a state of gratitude opened up.

I began this journey 22 days ago as an experiment to experience the feeling of gratitude and how that would change me. What I quickly realized is that while gratitude is a feeling--it is also so much more; it is a state of being as well.

In this state of being called gratitude doors open, healing takes place and your greater self steps in to play a much grander role than before.

And that is what I experienced this morning. My ego self felt loved enough to give way to my soul self. While my wonderful ego self has definite ideas about what I want and how I should have it, my soul self has even higher, grander ideas about what is possible for me. This morning that door opened and my conscious connection to my soul flowed through.

How do I describe the delicious feeling of my divine self stepping into my life and essentially saying "I'll take it from here" while my ego agrees?

The only words I have right now are "Woman--thou are loosed."

Today I am grateful for this feeling of wholeness and excited about the new beginnings this means for me.

In gratitude,

Bonnie

My Journey of Gratitude - Day 21

This morning's journey began with frustration. Frustration because some things I'm working towards are not happening, or at least not happening at the speed I want. So my meditation began with a bit of cursing the challenges I face. Why me? Why not me? What good is it to be grateful for my troubles and challenges? That just smacks of my old religious upbringing to be grateful for what little God gives me!

So there I sat with my questions and gave thanks for them. Even if I couldn't feel grateful for the challenges, I was at least grateful for the questions. It didn't take long for the answers to move through me.

Gratitude must come from the inside. When I look outside of myself to what I do or do not have, it is easy to lose that sense of gratitude because gratitude will never come from outside of myself. It is an 'inside job' and that's where the powerful of gratitude lies--within each of us. Not out in the world we experience, but within each one of us is the seed of gratitude.

'Challenges, problems, troubles, difficulties, not-enoughness'--are words we have assigned a negative meaning to and they come with energy that contracts us rather than expands us.

What if I shifted my perspective and thought of them as 'opportunities'? After all, isn't that what they really are--opportunities to take action, make a new decision, re-evaluate, let go, embrace, to say yes please or no thank you to situations in our lives. How would that change my feelings about what happens around me?

An instant internal shift happened and I again slipped into that gentle warmth of gratitude. Thankful for a new understanding; thankful that I asked a better question and received a better answer. Thankful that by simply changing my perception of words I shifted from contraction into the expansive energy of gratitude.

So now I understand that the situations I face are opportunities for me to re-think and re-choose the direction I want to move on this journey that is my life.

That is a powerful understanding to receive!

And it makes all the difference in the world to me. Instead of contracting into frustration and old patterns, gratitude expanded me into new ways of thinking about my reality. How 'real' do I want this situation to be--and what do I want to be real for me instead? Again--a better question yields a better answer.

I am grateful for the opportunities to succeed that are now open before me. I have some re-thinking and re-choosing to do today!

In gratitude,
Bonnie

My Journey of Gratitude - Day 19

Gratitude leads to inner peace and that is how I awoke this morning, with this deepest sense of inner peace as my first awareness. So instead of getting up to do my 10 minutes of gratitude meditation in my usual spot, I allowed myself to shift into gratitude right there, lying in bed all snuggled under the blankets on a dark, cold morning and had a very different experience of gratitude.

Usually it is my mind that guides me through the meditation; my mind that consciously takes me into gratitude. This time, maybe because I was so relaxed, it was my physical body that took over the reins, guiding me ever deeper into what happens to me physically when I am in a state of gratitude. An odd experience certainly and I'm not quite sure if I can describe the difference.

Always before my mind told me what my body was feeling; whether it was about gratitude or anything else, the understanding came through my mind. This morning, however, the knowing came directly from my body--and I understood it. Instead of gratitude flowing from my thoughts down into my physical being, it was my body that flowed gratitude to my thoughts. My body was reflecting back to me its new state of being now--a state of physical being that carried, held and flowed gratitude. No longer was my body being fed gratitude, it had become the state of gratitude. Something had shifted within the physical and it all feels different.

Curious now to see what was next, I relaxed into this new experience and allowed it to unfold. At first I thought my mind was wandering and I'd try to bring it back to the present. But then I realized that my mind wasn't wandering because my mind was not controlling this experience--my body was. Old memories would pop up--what use to be very painful memories from childhood. Instead of the feeling of pain and woundedness that always accompanied these memories, a feeling of warmth--that new state of gratitude I have--flowed through each memory, dissolving it.

It took a few minutes to realize that the intelligence of my body--and make no mistake our bodies have an intelligence of their own--was using gratitude to heal the pain in my past. So I lay there, open and allowing this process to unfold as memory after memory was released from my cells and healed. Past memories and future worries, all healed in the same way--with gratitude.

As a medical intuitive I am use to entering the body and taking a look around, but that is my mind controlling the process. This experience was entirely different. I could actually feel my body healing itself and it was doing it consciously, wanting me to know and understand what was happening. Gratitude has become so much more than a feeling I flow through my body 10 minutes a day. It is now a state of being that I live in and that my body responds to.

As the body is a reflection of the mind, I saw a new reflection of myself this morning. And I am grateful for who I am and who I am becoming.

In gratitude,

Bonnie

My Journey of Gratitude - Day 18

The more time I spend in this state of gratitude, the more I learn about who I am and who I am becoming and that leads to feeling even more gratitude. And I continue to fall in love with myself more every day in new ways. What an incredible Being I really am--amazing how I never saw that before. Amazing how we forget to remember how amazing we each are.

As I keep my focus on gratitude, I notice subtle shifts within. Increasingly I am more open to seeing life as a journey and less needing to try to control my outcomes. What a relief that is! To begin giving up controlling my life and how it turns out and relax into the moment as it is--priceless.

I already know my eventual destination, so why not be open to the journey itself and enjoying the outcomes rather than fearing them. That is a huge shift for me. I've always been a destination kinda gal--focusing more on getting to the finish line and forgetting to notice the cool things along the way.

Other changes are beginning to show up in my life as well--physical changes. As I physically relax into this journey of gratitude I am sleeping more. Never realized how wound up and constricted I had become the past couple of years with trying to do things the 'right' way and control the outcomes. The more I relax, the slower my pace the more I actually accomplish. Seems counter-intuitive I know--but it's real.

And I am physically detoxing a bit as the energy of gratitude floods my body, flushing out the old 'not enoughness' that was trapped. A bit uncomfortable certainly, but also refreshing as my body continues to let go of what it no longer needs to hold.

My outlook on life is definitely brighter--this attitude of gratitude is becoming a constant presence in my life. More and more when an old habitual thought of worry or fear arises, I am flooded with feelings, images and thoughts of all I have to be grateful for. A new habit of gratitude as my natural state of being is arising.

I find that I'm walking around in love with people and with the world instead of shrinking away from the chaos and pain. All good and all bad still exist out there. We do live in a world of polarity, but the difference for me is where I now place my focus. Gratitude is not only a state of being, it is also a choice. A choice that I make every moment in my life. To choose gratitude over fear. To choose to focus on all that is good in life and allow my experience of life to be simpler, happier.

I no longer feel the need to save the world. Did I really believe that I could? Loving myself and my life one day at a time is enough. If we each do that, the world won't need saving.

In the meantime, life is meant to be an adventure and we are meant to enjoy the journey--living full out to the best we can.

Cue the Hawaii 5-0 theme song and my Inner Chicken riding the waves of life!

In gratitude, Bonnie

My Journey of Gratitude - Day 17

It seems that the more time I spend in gratitude, the less I have to say. There comes this tipping point where the experience becomes so deep that words cannot capture the essence of what is felt. And I believe I may have reached that tipping point.

Normally it would take me a few minutes to settle my mind enough so that I could step into the state of gratitude. Today, however, I gently slipped into it and was feeling it before I was even aware of being there. That was an interesting experience in itself!

I sat in the new experience of thankfulness, a gentle warmth glowing through me and felt my outer world swirling around me-forming, dissolving and reforming itself over and over again. It was like sitting safely by a warm fire with a storm raging outside. My inner self is calm, peaceful and safe while my outer life is changing into something not yet seen.

When I look around my life everything looks the same, but my internal experience is so different that nothing feels the same. Normally that would make me nervous and scrambling for some stability, but instead today I am feeling calm, peaceful and trusting. There is deep within me a knowing that all is well.

Today I am grateful for what is and curious about what will be.

In gratitude,

Bonnie

My Journey of Gratitude - Day 16

I want to first thank a good friend of mine for helping me yesterday to clear some of the old stuff that has arisen during this journey of mine. Whenever you make a shift of any kind your frequency changes and whatever you've been holding that no longer resonates with that new 'you' shakes loose and needs to be released. That is what healing is all about--letting go of what no longer fits. So yesterday my friend Sue helped me let go of all that had shaken loose and I feel so much more freedom. For that I am grateful.

So this morning, feeling more freedom within and without, I sat down to practice my 10 minutes of gratitude. It was easier to get into that state of gratitude this morning because most of the chatter that I normally have to move through was gone. A big WooHoo! on that score!

What is left behind is a deeper warmth, like glowing embers after the logs have burned themselves down. A calm, steady warmth that spread through me, deep into my bones.

Not the high that I've always felt before; you know that mountain top experience we often get. But with every high must come a leveling out because we are not called to live at the top of the mountain all the time--or at least I'm not. I am called to live amongst people and be of service from within the community, not separate from them.

And so a new sense of gratitude was born within me today. It feels like I found myself again and, even better, I fell in love with myself all over again.

Today I am grateful for the slow, steady glow of gratitude that warms me and tells me that I am 'home' at last.

In gratitude,

Bonnie

Before I begin talking about my experience this morning with gratitude I'd like to answer a couple of questions that I've received from people following my journey.

How do I get started and what do I do once I've started?

I always start my 10 minute mediation by closing my eyes and taking a few deep breaths. Then I begin with my gratitude prayers--thank you for my life, thank you for my ability to breathe, and then I move through gratefulness for my husband, children, grandchildren, friends and opportunities. After that I take another deep breath and quiet my mind and allow myself to feel the gratitude for all those things. Some days it flows smoothly and other days it's more challenging.

 
Just like today--I had a few false starts and had to start over again. It's a journey, not a destination I have to remind myself. Simply a journey.

OK. On to my experience this morning. And an interesting one it was as I mark the mid-way point of this 30 day journey. A bit of a challenge to settle down into gratitude. My conscious mind was running wild with thoughts of today's 'to do' list and I even found myself worrying about getting my Christmas shopping done. Lots of resistance for some reason.

At first I tried reining the thoughts in, which of course did not work. So I allowed them to scurry across my inner vision unhindered, like clouds being blown across the sky by a strong wind.

Then it happened--I felt a sudden, subtle shift and my mind went completely still and time seemed to stop. All sounds silenced and my outer world ceased to exist.

I sat in this profound silence and felt myself floating in what felt like a primordial soup of everything and nothing. Of course, the moment I was aware I popped out of it, but then would fall right back into it again. So there I sate, blinking in and out from what felt like existence to non-existence, from particle to wave to particle again. Back and forth, in and out, feeling gratitude in both states of being. But gratitude in a very different way that is difficult to describe.

 

I've had this experience before when in deep meditation, but this was the first time I blinked back and forth, bringing gratitude with me.

Instead of experiencing the feeling of gratitude, I believe I experienced the knowing of it--the true state of it. I believe I tapped into that place where all things manifest--the unified field that exists all around us and I felt a presence of something very wonderful.

And for that I am most grateful today.

In gratitude,

Bonnie

My Journey of Gratitude - Day 14

"People are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." Abraham Lincoln

That quotes floats through my mind as I begin my time with gratitude. How happy am I allowing myself to be and what stops me from being happy all the time? Interesting thought to ponder and it opens many doors hidden away in my mind.

As I continue spending time in the state of gratitude I find that all that is not gratitude--all that cannot exist in this energy--is free to roll on up and out of me. My initial reaction is to stop and ponder each thought and each feeling; wanting to understand and solve. That's part of our human nature and the function of our conscious mind, that desire to know the 'why' of every situation.

But asking 'why' will only give you the story surrounding the situation; it will never give you the truth that lies within. For that you must sit within the middle of it all, giving thanks for whatever is. As a teacher of mine often says "Understanding is just the booby prize." Consciously choosing what you want instead of what you currently have--there is the power and the freedom to create change.

To be stand in the middle of your life situation and say "No matter what has happened to me in the past--this is what I choose today. This is how I choose to live today." That is true self-empowerment.

Gratitude comes in many forms and some days are easier than others to feel thankful. Today gratitude showed up as patience and trust.

Patience that saying 'thank you' in the face of doubt is enough, and trust that all is well regardless of what I see happening--or not happening--around me.

So today I am grateful for my doubts, my faith and my journey, bumps and all.

In gratitude,

Bonnie

My Journey of Gratitude - Day 13

A funny thing about opening to feelings--you can't just pick and choose which feelings you allow. It's not possible to say "I will only feel the 'good' feelings today." That's because feelings are neither good nor bad, right nor wrong. They are just feelings brought on by your thoughts.

So the other day when the dam burst open and everything that was backed up came pouring forth, I understood that would mean that all my feelings were free to express themselves. And they certainly have!

Yesterday was my impatience and today my sadness made its appearance. Not the profound sadness of years past, but the sadness of unanswered prayers, missed opportunities and things I have done or left undone.

Earlier this morning I read a passage that fit perfectly for this moment. "Bask in the luxury of feeling fully understood and unconditionally loved." So I did. As I stepped more fully into that state of gratitude feeling fully understood and unconditionally loved, I allowed the sadness to flow through me, freeing it from the prison of my body. A sweet gentleness flowed in to fill the empty spaces where sadness had previously lived.

The more I let go of what no longer serves me and what I have imprisoned in my body, the more free I am to fully live the life I love. I begin my day in a place of serenity and knowingness.

Today I am grateful for my ability to fully experience all my emotions and to bask in the luxury of being fully understood and unconditionally loved.

In gratitude,
Bonnie

My Journey of Gratitude - Day 12

Gratitude was a bit harder to come by this morning. Lack of patience though showed up in abundance. That great yummy feeling that I normally slip into, that fullness of the heart, was a no show today. I stuck with it though because this is, after all, a journey not a destination. Just because I'm not feeling the gratitude in any given moment doesn't mean that I'm not grateful, just that I'm not in the feeling of it.

I'm imperfect. Oh no--was that my outdoor voice!? Parts of me were horrified at that admission while other parts relieved that I finally got it. It really shouldn't have been such a big surprise--because we all know that no one is perfect. But it was that sudden 'knowing' that took me by surprise. You know that moment when you really get it--and once you truly know something you can never again unknow it. Obviously some part of me thought my imperfections were a well kept secret, though I'm sure if you ask my husband or my kids they'd just roll their eyes and snort.

So I sat in gratitude with my imperfect self. I sat with the shame that came bursting forth from that admission and continued to give thanks for this journey of getting to know myself in deeper ways. I was really clueless that parts of me were still trying to be perfect--and successfully failing. Trying to be perfect is just an old survival strategy from childhood that was waiting for an opportunity to be healed.

And like a dam bursting as the seams, the shame, blame and guilt bottled up inside came flooding out in a torrent. Instead of being met with resistance or denial though, I allowed those feelings to flow up and out in a state of gratitude. Because, really--who needs to keep those 3 feelings as a constant companion?

To be honest--today was really uncomfortable for me; not the happy love-fest I experienced at the beginning. But it was real, it was honest and it quickly passed, because I stayed in gratitude for the experience.

Every journey has its wonders and its trials. There are days of ease and days of effort. Yet with each step on this journey I move forward and each day holds something to be grateful for. That is what I hold on to when gratitude is not so easy to find.

I am grateful for the gift of my imperfections for they remind me to love myself even more and they remind me that we are all just doing the best we can with what we've got. Embracing my imperfections allows me to let go of who I think I'm suppose to be and appreciate the fullness of who I actually am.

And that, my friends, was worth the 10 minutes of uncomfortable gratitude this morning.

In gratitude,
Bonnie

My Journey of Gratitude - Day 11

I am so grateful for early mornings! My husband is still asleep, the house is quiet and it feels like I have the world all to myself. It's my favorite time of day because every morning I get to choose anew who I am and how I want to live my life. Every morning is a 'do over' when, no matter what happened the day before, THIS day I get to be grateful for once again.

This morning my time in gratitude was met with a fair amount of fear at first. Fear that I was expanding and changing too fast. Like instead of driving my nice, dependable sedan, I had suddenly jumped behind the wheel of an expensive race car and took off at the speed of light.

"Who will you be if you keep going at this pace? What will become of me?" I heard in my mind. My inner child was worried that trouble lay ahead, because as a child whenever I spoke up, asked for what I wanted or did anything 'different', trouble ensured for someone. So early on I learned to keep a low profile, to stay contracted and off the radar.

But here I am now--on everybody's radar! Stepping up and stepping out in gratitude--and telling people about it.

So I took a deep breath and sat with my inner child and her fears, thanking them for being there, feeling gratitude for their presence. And there we sat, the 3 of us in a state of gratitude until the fear dissolved and love flowed in.

An old Billy Joel song began drifting through my mind--just parts of it. "Don't go changing to try and please me. I love you just the way you are." And I drifted deeper into the meaning of those words. I don't have to change anything about myself in order to be loved or in order to have what I want in life. Living in a state of gratitude changes everything without me having to force a change or trying to be perfect, whatever 'perfect' means.

Transformation is a natural outcome from gratitude and a spirit of thankfulness. With a deep sigh my body relaxed into a gentle easiness and lightness.

Today is a play date with 2 of my grandkids, ages 7 and almost 4. We're making pumpkin pies from real pumpkins. As a child I learned to bake from my grandmother. She wanted me to know that not everything comes from a can, and that's a tradition I carry on with my own grandkids. So today we will cut up the pumpkins, bake them and the seeds, then turn them into delicious pies.

Afterwards is our special movie night complete with pizza and root beer floats before being tucked into bed with kisses from their Mimi (that's me!)

My inner child is invited to join the fun.

I am grateful for this day and for my life. Every day is a gift that I treasure.

In gratitude,
Bonnie

My Journey of Gratitude - Day 10

Ten days into my 10 minutes of gratitude and my mind is telling me how bored it is already. Because of my commitment to these 30 days, I decide to sit in gratitude for the boredom--and so I do. I'm just so grateful to be alive that 10 minutes of boredom doesn't seem so bad. And I was curious as to why today my mind was bored. Why not yesterday or why not next week. What was it about today in particular that I was bored.

Wasn't very long before I had the answer. My mind began running funny images through my mind to distract me from thinking. Images of the Stay Puff marshmallow man from the movie Ghostbuster, images from other funny movies that I love, and then drifting into childhood memories of fun and playfulness. Playing 'kick the can' with all the neighborhood kids in the summer just as the sun was going down. Softball in our backyard, catching minnows in the creek that ran behind our property--many times of laughter and fun.

I realized my mind was showing me that there is more to Life than just sitting in my head--that living in gratitude means LIVING--as in being outside of myself and actually living in the world, not just my head. So as each image, each memory flashed through my vision I felt something heal within me and replaced with something new and fresh within. It was like each happy thought opened a door to more freedom and my desire to allow my inner life and outer life to be the same increased.

For those of you who know me, you know that I tend to be on the serious side and don't 'let my hair down' very often. Not that I'm a stick-in-the-mud or anything, but I guess I had separated parts of my life from other parts and kept the playfulness and fun for only certain times. That all changed as I saw the dam that separated my inner and outer worlds burst open and, once again, my Inner Chicken surfed the waves with the theme song to Hawaii 5-0 blaring in my head.

The only appropriate response was to laugh out loud and be thankful for my life because--really--how many of you have an Inner Chicken?

So today my Inner Chicken and I are grateful for Life. And I think we just might spend the day surfing the waves of gratitude and seeing where it takes us.

In gratitude, Bonnie   

My Journey of Gratitude - Day 9

My vulnerability is my strength and I am grateful for that realization.

A couple of things I want to talk about today. For years I've been meditating and all those years I always needed to hold a pillow or cover my solar plexus up in someway. Couldn't meditate without that. This morning during my 10 minutes of gratitude I noticed that I was not covering myself up and hadn't for the past couple of days. That is a huge shift for me. To be open and vulnerable with no need to protect parts of me. It became so natural to not put a pillow or blanket in front of me that I didn't notice it for 3 days. For this new openness I am grateful.

Until yesterday I didn't realize how vulnerable being in gratitude makes you. In fact I hadn't even thought of myself as being more vulnerable until an experience yesterday with a person who made a few mean-spirited remarks to me for reasons of her own. My first reaction was to feel hurt and shut down, but that is now such a foreign feeling that I was immediately aware of the shift from open gratitude to fear.

You see to me being vulnerable use to mean being weak, helpless and open for hurt. It meant that I was allowing anyone to come along and behave badly towards me, so no way was I going to be vulnerable!

My experience with gratitude this morning showed me the true meaning of vulnerability--being fully present in my life, in my body and in the moment. Fully present with myself and for others. My vulnerability is my strength, my gift to myself and to others. For only in the present and in my presence do I allow myself to be known.

Being vulnerable is my strength. It is what makes me the healer and teacher that I am. This journey of gratitude has shown me how I have closed myself off in the past and how much more Life and Light I have when I am open, vulnerable and present.

There will certainly be times when I run into people who behave in unkind ways; we are all doing the best we can with what we have and so many people still live from their pain rather than their true nature. And I accept that people just do what people do and it is never personal really. There will be those times, but the difference today is that I know and understand that in any moment that I lose my presence, I will remember that I now have a higher value on living from a state of gratitude and can return to being present with a simple decision.

So to the person who was so unkind--I am grateful for your presence in my life and the gift of understanding that I received through your action. And to my friends that I turned to when I felt misunderstood, I am most grateful for the mirror you always hold up so that I can see my true reflection of who I am as a woman, a friend, a healer, a teacher.

My vulnerability is my strength and for that I am grateful today.

In gratitude,
Bonnie