"People are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." Abraham Lincoln
That quotes floats through my mind as I begin my time with gratitude. How happy am I allowing myself to be and what stops me from being happy all the time? Interesting thought to ponder and it opens many doors hidden away in my mind.
As I continue spending time in the state of gratitude I find that all that is not gratitude--all that cannot exist in this energy--is free to roll on up and out of me. My initial reaction is to stop and ponder each thought and each feeling; wanting to understand and solve. That's part of our human nature and the function of our conscious mind, that desire to know the 'why' of every situation.
But asking 'why' will only give you the story surrounding the situation; it will never give you the truth that lies within. For that you must sit within the middle of it all, giving thanks for whatever is. As a teacher of mine often says "Understanding is just the booby prize." Consciously choosing what you want instead of what you currently have--there is the power and the freedom to create change.
To be stand in the middle of your life situation and say "No matter what has happened to me in the past--this is what I choose today. This is how I choose to live today." That is true self-empowerment.
Gratitude comes in many forms and some days are easier than others to feel thankful. Today gratitude showed up as patience and trust.
Patience that saying 'thank you' in the face of doubt is enough, and trust that all is well regardless of what I see happening--or not happening--around me.
So today I am grateful for my doubts, my faith and my journey, bumps and all.
In gratitude,
Bonnie
Showing posts with label self love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self love. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Monday, November 14, 2011
My Journey of Gratitude - Day 13
A funny thing about opening to feelings--you can't just pick and choose which feelings you allow. It's not possible to say "I will only feel the 'good' feelings today." That's because feelings are neither good nor bad, right nor wrong. They are just feelings brought on by your thoughts.
So the other day when the dam burst open and everything that was backed up came pouring forth, I understood that would mean that all my feelings were free to express themselves. And they certainly have!
Yesterday was my impatience and today my sadness made its appearance. Not the profound sadness of years past, but the sadness of unanswered prayers, missed opportunities and things I have done or left undone.
Earlier this morning I read a passage that fit perfectly for this moment. "Bask in the luxury of feeling fully understood and unconditionally loved." So I did. As I stepped more fully into that state of gratitude feeling fully understood and unconditionally loved, I allowed the sadness to flow through me, freeing it from the prison of my body. A sweet gentleness flowed in to fill the empty spaces where sadness had previously lived.
The more I let go of what no longer serves me and what I have imprisoned in my body, the more free I am to fully live the life I love. I begin my day in a place of serenity and knowingness.
Today I am grateful for my ability to fully experience all my emotions and to bask in the luxury of being fully understood and unconditionally loved.
In gratitude,
Bonnie
So the other day when the dam burst open and everything that was backed up came pouring forth, I understood that would mean that all my feelings were free to express themselves. And they certainly have!
Yesterday was my impatience and today my sadness made its appearance. Not the profound sadness of years past, but the sadness of unanswered prayers, missed opportunities and things I have done or left undone.
Earlier this morning I read a passage that fit perfectly for this moment. "Bask in the luxury of feeling fully understood and unconditionally loved." So I did. As I stepped more fully into that state of gratitude feeling fully understood and unconditionally loved, I allowed the sadness to flow through me, freeing it from the prison of my body. A sweet gentleness flowed in to fill the empty spaces where sadness had previously lived.
The more I let go of what no longer serves me and what I have imprisoned in my body, the more free I am to fully live the life I love. I begin my day in a place of serenity and knowingness.
Today I am grateful for my ability to fully experience all my emotions and to bask in the luxury of being fully understood and unconditionally loved.
In gratitude,
Bonnie
Sunday, November 13, 2011
My Journey of Gratitude - Day 12
Gratitude was a bit harder to come by this morning. Lack of patience though showed up in abundance. That great yummy feeling that I normally slip into, that fullness of the heart, was a no show today. I stuck with it though because this is, after all, a journey not a destination. Just because I'm not feeling the gratitude in any given moment doesn't mean that I'm not grateful, just that I'm not in the feeling of it.
I'm imperfect. Oh no--was that my outdoor voice!? Parts of me were horrified at that admission while other parts relieved that I finally got it. It really shouldn't have been such a big surprise--because we all know that no one is perfect. But it was that sudden 'knowing' that took me by surprise. You know that moment when you really get it--and once you truly know something you can never again unknow it. Obviously some part of me thought my imperfections were a well kept secret, though I'm sure if you ask my husband or my kids they'd just roll their eyes and snort.
So I sat in gratitude with my imperfect self. I sat with the shame that came bursting forth from that admission and continued to give thanks for this journey of getting to know myself in deeper ways. I was really clueless that parts of me were still trying to be perfect--and successfully failing. Trying to be perfect is just an old survival strategy from childhood that was waiting for an opportunity to be healed.
And like a dam bursting as the seams, the shame, blame and guilt bottled up inside came flooding out in a torrent. Instead of being met with resistance or denial though, I allowed those feelings to flow up and out in a state of gratitude. Because, really--who needs to keep those 3 feelings as a constant companion?
To be honest--today was really uncomfortable for me; not the happy love-fest I experienced at the beginning. But it was real, it was honest and it quickly passed, because I stayed in gratitude for the experience.
Every journey has its wonders and its trials. There are days of ease and days of effort. Yet with each step on this journey I move forward and each day holds something to be grateful for. That is what I hold on to when gratitude is not so easy to find.
I am grateful for the gift of my imperfections for they remind me to love myself even more and they remind me that we are all just doing the best we can with what we've got. Embracing my imperfections allows me to let go of who I think I'm suppose to be and appreciate the fullness of who I actually am.
And that, my friends, was worth the 10 minutes of uncomfortable gratitude this morning.
In gratitude,
Bonnie
I'm imperfect. Oh no--was that my outdoor voice!? Parts of me were horrified at that admission while other parts relieved that I finally got it. It really shouldn't have been such a big surprise--because we all know that no one is perfect. But it was that sudden 'knowing' that took me by surprise. You know that moment when you really get it--and once you truly know something you can never again unknow it. Obviously some part of me thought my imperfections were a well kept secret, though I'm sure if you ask my husband or my kids they'd just roll their eyes and snort.
So I sat in gratitude with my imperfect self. I sat with the shame that came bursting forth from that admission and continued to give thanks for this journey of getting to know myself in deeper ways. I was really clueless that parts of me were still trying to be perfect--and successfully failing. Trying to be perfect is just an old survival strategy from childhood that was waiting for an opportunity to be healed.
And like a dam bursting as the seams, the shame, blame and guilt bottled up inside came flooding out in a torrent. Instead of being met with resistance or denial though, I allowed those feelings to flow up and out in a state of gratitude. Because, really--who needs to keep those 3 feelings as a constant companion?
To be honest--today was really uncomfortable for me; not the happy love-fest I experienced at the beginning. But it was real, it was honest and it quickly passed, because I stayed in gratitude for the experience.
Every journey has its wonders and its trials. There are days of ease and days of effort. Yet with each step on this journey I move forward and each day holds something to be grateful for. That is what I hold on to when gratitude is not so easy to find.
I am grateful for the gift of my imperfections for they remind me to love myself even more and they remind me that we are all just doing the best we can with what we've got. Embracing my imperfections allows me to let go of who I think I'm suppose to be and appreciate the fullness of who I actually am.
And that, my friends, was worth the 10 minutes of uncomfortable gratitude this morning.
In gratitude,
Bonnie
Thursday, November 10, 2011
My Journey of Gratitude - Day 9
My vulnerability is my strength and I am grateful for that realization.
A couple of things I want to talk about today. For years I've been meditating and all those years I always needed to hold a pillow or cover my solar plexus up in someway. Couldn't meditate without that. This morning during my 10 minutes of gratitude I noticed that I was not covering myself up and hadn't for the past couple of days. That is a huge shift for me. To be open and vulnerable with no need to protect parts of me. It became so natural to not put a pillow or blanket in front of me that I didn't notice it for 3 days. For this new openness I am grateful.
Until yesterday I didn't realize how vulnerable being in gratitude makes you. In fact I hadn't even thought of myself as being more vulnerable until an experience yesterday with a person who made a few mean-spirited remarks to me for reasons of her own. My first reaction was to feel hurt and shut down, but that is now such a foreign feeling that I was immediately aware of the shift from open gratitude to fear.
You see to me being vulnerable use to mean being weak, helpless and open for hurt. It meant that I was allowing anyone to come along and behave badly towards me, so no way was I going to be vulnerable!
My experience with gratitude this morning showed me the true meaning of vulnerability--being fully present in my life, in my body and in the moment. Fully present with myself and for others. My vulnerability is my strength, my gift to myself and to others. For only in the present and in my presence do I allow myself to be known.
Being vulnerable is my strength. It is what makes me the healer and teacher that I am. This journey of gratitude has shown me how I have closed myself off in the past and how much more Life and Light I have when I am open, vulnerable and present.
There will certainly be times when I run into people who behave in unkind ways; we are all doing the best we can with what we have and so many people still live from their pain rather than their true nature. And I accept that people just do what people do and it is never personal really. There will be those times, but the difference today is that I know and understand that in any moment that I lose my presence, I will remember that I now have a higher value on living from a state of gratitude and can return to being present with a simple decision.
So to the person who was so unkind--I am grateful for your presence in my life and the gift of understanding that I received through your action. And to my friends that I turned to when I felt misunderstood, I am most grateful for the mirror you always hold up so that I can see my true reflection of who I am as a woman, a friend, a healer, a teacher.
My vulnerability is my strength and for that I am grateful today.
In gratitude,
Bonnie
A couple of things I want to talk about today. For years I've been meditating and all those years I always needed to hold a pillow or cover my solar plexus up in someway. Couldn't meditate without that. This morning during my 10 minutes of gratitude I noticed that I was not covering myself up and hadn't for the past couple of days. That is a huge shift for me. To be open and vulnerable with no need to protect parts of me. It became so natural to not put a pillow or blanket in front of me that I didn't notice it for 3 days. For this new openness I am grateful.
Until yesterday I didn't realize how vulnerable being in gratitude makes you. In fact I hadn't even thought of myself as being more vulnerable until an experience yesterday with a person who made a few mean-spirited remarks to me for reasons of her own. My first reaction was to feel hurt and shut down, but that is now such a foreign feeling that I was immediately aware of the shift from open gratitude to fear.
You see to me being vulnerable use to mean being weak, helpless and open for hurt. It meant that I was allowing anyone to come along and behave badly towards me, so no way was I going to be vulnerable!
My experience with gratitude this morning showed me the true meaning of vulnerability--being fully present in my life, in my body and in the moment. Fully present with myself and for others. My vulnerability is my strength, my gift to myself and to others. For only in the present and in my presence do I allow myself to be known.
Being vulnerable is my strength. It is what makes me the healer and teacher that I am. This journey of gratitude has shown me how I have closed myself off in the past and how much more Life and Light I have when I am open, vulnerable and present.
There will certainly be times when I run into people who behave in unkind ways; we are all doing the best we can with what we have and so many people still live from their pain rather than their true nature. And I accept that people just do what people do and it is never personal really. There will be those times, but the difference today is that I know and understand that in any moment that I lose my presence, I will remember that I now have a higher value on living from a state of gratitude and can return to being present with a simple decision.
So to the person who was so unkind--I am grateful for your presence in my life and the gift of understanding that I received through your action. And to my friends that I turned to when I felt misunderstood, I am most grateful for the mirror you always hold up so that I can see my true reflection of who I am as a woman, a friend, a healer, a teacher.
My vulnerability is my strength and for that I am grateful today.
In gratitude,
Bonnie
Monday, November 7, 2011
My Journey of Gratitude - Day 6
What started out as an Experiment has now become a Journey. My experience so far in 6 days of spending 10 minutes a day in Gratitude has taken on a life of its own and I'm now on a Journey of Gratitude, curious to see where this particular journey takes me.
Gratitude shows up in a myriad of forms-words of thankfulness, music that soothes the soul, visions and symbols, dreams, feelings, new rhythms and beats. There is no one way to be in the state of gratitude--only your way of being there. That may remain the same for you or, like me, change and move differently day to day.
Some days it is easy to feel the flow of gratitude coursing through my being and other days, not so much. This morning is one of those 'not so much' days.
At first I was worried that I couldn't feel that 'mountain top' experience of gratefulness and then I spent precious moment trying to make it happen.
"What a stupid experiment I'm doing! I MUST be grateful! Let me just change that ingratitude to gratitude right now."
Then I heard my inner voice tell me 'Relax into this moment and allow it to be whatever it is.' So I did. I took a deep breath and made the choice (and ALL change begins with a choice) and let go of my preconceived ideas of what I thought being in gratitude should be and allowed myself to just be in the flow of 'what is.'
That doesn't mean that I'm not grateful. I am. I still said my gratitude prayers, thanking & blessing all that I have in my life. I just wasn't 'feeling' it if you know what I mean.
Life has an ebb and a flow--like the tide. So I sat and focused on the ebb and flow of my breathing. In and out. Breathing in and bringing in. Breathing out and letting go. In and out.
Meister Eckhart said "If all you ever say in your whole life is 'thank you' that will suffice.'
So for today I just said 'thank you that I am alive' and I trust that is enough.
In gratitude,
Bonnie
Gratitude shows up in a myriad of forms-words of thankfulness, music that soothes the soul, visions and symbols, dreams, feelings, new rhythms and beats. There is no one way to be in the state of gratitude--only your way of being there. That may remain the same for you or, like me, change and move differently day to day.
Some days it is easy to feel the flow of gratitude coursing through my being and other days, not so much. This morning is one of those 'not so much' days.
At first I was worried that I couldn't feel that 'mountain top' experience of gratefulness and then I spent precious moment trying to make it happen.
"What a stupid experiment I'm doing! I MUST be grateful! Let me just change that ingratitude to gratitude right now."
Then I heard my inner voice tell me 'Relax into this moment and allow it to be whatever it is.' So I did. I took a deep breath and made the choice (and ALL change begins with a choice) and let go of my preconceived ideas of what I thought being in gratitude should be and allowed myself to just be in the flow of 'what is.'
That doesn't mean that I'm not grateful. I am. I still said my gratitude prayers, thanking & blessing all that I have in my life. I just wasn't 'feeling' it if you know what I mean.
Life has an ebb and a flow--like the tide. So I sat and focused on the ebb and flow of my breathing. In and out. Breathing in and bringing in. Breathing out and letting go. In and out.
Meister Eckhart said "If all you ever say in your whole life is 'thank you' that will suffice.'
So for today I just said 'thank you that I am alive' and I trust that is enough.
In gratitude,
Bonnie
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Gratitude Experiment--Day 5
Resistance--what a great teacher! It was inevitable this resistance. The conscious mind doesn't think much of change after all and loves the status quo. To spend time in the state of gratitude--and gratitude IS a state of being--opens you up to change. And resistance arises, like an old pair of slippers.
I embraced my resistance and expressed gratitude for it. 'Thank you resistance! How wonderful to see you again old friend. I acknowledge and honor you as being part of who I am. Welcome.' It seemed insane at first to embrace my resistance because, after all, we resist feeling it don't we? But what we resist persists. And so we sat together--my resistance and me. Just sat in gratitude that I actually had resistance--realizing that resistance has a positive intention, which is to keep my safe.
And in that moment of safety I felt the shift. How precious is life! My life, regardless of what I do or don't have, despite the situations I find myself in--my life IS precious. Your life is precious. The very act of living is precious.
Last night my husband & I attended a charity gala. I got all 'gussied up' as my mother called it and Jim wore his tux. We've always had a great time before at this annual gala, but this year was a very different experience. The room was noisy & chaotic and several of the people at our table spent the evening drinking and texting rather than talking.
So we left early and came home. I quickly shed the fancy clothes and slipped into my favorite pair of flannel pajamas. Just the man I love and myself--together and grateful.
That experience last night showed me what I value most--a life of simplicity with people I love and who love me right back. Being myself in every moment. Being grateful for all my experiences--whether I like them or not.
So there I sat in my flannel pajamas filled with happy smiling frogs. Nothing to prove, nothing to do, nothing to be--just me in the moment. Content, happy and grateful for everything.
Enjoying the essence of my life now.
In gratitude,
Bonnie
I embraced my resistance and expressed gratitude for it. 'Thank you resistance! How wonderful to see you again old friend. I acknowledge and honor you as being part of who I am. Welcome.' It seemed insane at first to embrace my resistance because, after all, we resist feeling it don't we? But what we resist persists. And so we sat together--my resistance and me. Just sat in gratitude that I actually had resistance--realizing that resistance has a positive intention, which is to keep my safe.
And in that moment of safety I felt the shift. How precious is life! My life, regardless of what I do or don't have, despite the situations I find myself in--my life IS precious. Your life is precious. The very act of living is precious.
Last night my husband & I attended a charity gala. I got all 'gussied up' as my mother called it and Jim wore his tux. We've always had a great time before at this annual gala, but this year was a very different experience. The room was noisy & chaotic and several of the people at our table spent the evening drinking and texting rather than talking.
So we left early and came home. I quickly shed the fancy clothes and slipped into my favorite pair of flannel pajamas. Just the man I love and myself--together and grateful.
That experience last night showed me what I value most--a life of simplicity with people I love and who love me right back. Being myself in every moment. Being grateful for all my experiences--whether I like them or not.
So there I sat in my flannel pajamas filled with happy smiling frogs. Nothing to prove, nothing to do, nothing to be--just me in the moment. Content, happy and grateful for everything.
Enjoying the essence of my life now.
In gratitude,
Bonnie
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Falling Out of Love with My Drama
Falling Out of Love with My Drama
I have been fortunate to study with some of the most amazing teachers over the decades, and all of them have talked about letting go of the drama in your life.
It took me awhile to truly let go of it all and learn to live in the present, to be present with my own life and with everyone in it.
I found that I took myself through several steps to get to the Freedom I desired:
Step 1- Forgiveness
In order to start the clearing out process I realized that forgiveness was the key that would open the lock to all else that was within. Even though I knew better, it was still easy to get caught up in the idea that by forgiving the person, I was approving the act. And also that forgiveness was for the other person when it is really always for us and our own inner peace. Once I got myself past those old mind-sets, it was all downhill from there – simply a process of letting go.
Step 2 – My History
How many of us are ‘married’ to our stories. It is easy to believe that if we give up our ‘story’ we will no longer be ourselves and we will never be able to rectify what has happened and create something new. The truth is, it is your stories that keep you stuck and interfere with your capacity to create the new life you want. Once you choose to create what you want instead of what you have, you have no need for what was.
Step 3 – My Future
Finally I got to the point of looking ‘forward’ even though I am aware from quantum physics that there is no time – just ask Einstein. For me this was sort of a way station. It was a place I lived for a while until I really understood that my future is right now. It was useful in the sense that at least I had separated out from my past.
Step 4 – My Now
This is where I want to live for the duration. Staying in the present is so much more interesting than you might ever imagine. This is where your greater capacity lives and this is where your joy resides
In the present you are always fresh, new and available to every idea, opportunity and resource that your world is offering to you.
I wouldn’t choose to live anywhere else.
Love and blessings, Katie
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