My vulnerability is my strength and I am grateful for that realization.
A couple of things I want to talk about today. For years I've been meditating and all those years I always needed to hold a pillow or cover my solar plexus up in someway. Couldn't meditate without that. This morning during my 10 minutes of gratitude I noticed that I was not covering myself up and hadn't for the past couple of days. That is a huge shift for me. To be open and vulnerable with no need to protect parts of me. It became so natural to not put a pillow or blanket in front of me that I didn't notice it for 3 days. For this new openness I am grateful.
Until yesterday I didn't realize how vulnerable being in gratitude makes you. In fact I hadn't even thought of myself as being more vulnerable until an experience yesterday with a person who made a few mean-spirited remarks to me for reasons of her own. My first reaction was to feel hurt and shut down, but that is now such a foreign feeling that I was immediately aware of the shift from open gratitude to fear.
You see to me being vulnerable use to mean being weak, helpless and open for hurt. It meant that I was allowing anyone to come along and behave badly towards me, so no way was I going to be vulnerable!
My experience with gratitude this morning showed me the true meaning of vulnerability--being fully present in my life, in my body and in the moment. Fully present with myself and for others. My vulnerability is my strength, my gift to myself and to others. For only in the present and in my presence do I allow myself to be known.
Being vulnerable is my strength. It is what makes me the healer and teacher that I am. This journey of gratitude has shown me how I have closed myself off in the past and how much more Life and Light I have when I am open, vulnerable and present.
There will certainly be times when I run into people who behave in unkind ways; we are all doing the best we can with what we have and so many people still live from their pain rather than their true nature. And I accept that people just do what people do and it is never personal really. There will be those times, but the difference today is that I know and understand that in any moment that I lose my presence, I will remember that I now have a higher value on living from a state of gratitude and can return to being present with a simple decision.
So to the person who was so unkind--I am grateful for your presence in my life and the gift of understanding that I received through your action. And to my friends that I turned to when I felt misunderstood, I am most grateful for the mirror you always hold up so that I can see my true reflection of who I am as a woman, a friend, a healer, a teacher.
My vulnerability is my strength and for that I am grateful today.
In gratitude,
Bonnie
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
My Journey of Gratitude - Day 8
My mind gets so impatient when it feels I'm not moving forward fast enough. It is always wanting more, more, more and faster. This impatience stems from an old belief that there is not enough, so better get it right now. And that was my experience this morning.
Impatience when nothing 'grand' seemed to be happening. I love those mountain top experiences. You know the ones where you feel on top of the world and everything is laid at your feet. Your energy is high and you are in the zone. I love that and truth is that there are many other ways to experience transformation as well.
Those gentle moments of gratitude are just as powerful--when I am open to noticing them. Like a warm gentle breeze blowing freshness into my home, so is that gentle, easy flow of gratitude bringing freshness into my life--and I am transforming.
This journey with gratitude is building a new foundation from which to live my life. My old foundation which was based on past pain was like a huge dam filled with thousands of leaks and threatening to overwhelm me should I not contain it all. What an exhausting way to live!
Today I have a new image. The dam has broken and I'm riding the waves using the energy released to fuel my new foundation, my new way of living in this world.
No longer afraid of being overwhelmed, I am now free to build anew. And I hear myself on that surfboard yelling "Ride the waves baby. Ride the waves."
Impatience when nothing 'grand' seemed to be happening. I love those mountain top experiences. You know the ones where you feel on top of the world and everything is laid at your feet. Your energy is high and you are in the zone. I love that and truth is that there are many other ways to experience transformation as well.
Those gentle moments of gratitude are just as powerful--when I am open to noticing them. Like a warm gentle breeze blowing freshness into my home, so is that gentle, easy flow of gratitude bringing freshness into my life--and I am transforming.
This journey with gratitude is building a new foundation from which to live my life. My old foundation which was based on past pain was like a huge dam filled with thousands of leaks and threatening to overwhelm me should I not contain it all. What an exhausting way to live!
Today I have a new image. The dam has broken and I'm riding the waves using the energy released to fuel my new foundation, my new way of living in this world.
No longer afraid of being overwhelmed, I am now free to build anew. And I hear myself on that surfboard yelling "Ride the waves baby. Ride the waves."
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
My Journey of Gratitude - Day 7
Wow--a week has gone by already? I guess that's what happens when you can step outside of time for a while. In some ways it feels like just yesterday I began this journey and in other ways--by the changes I'm experiencing--it feels like ages ago. When you step outside of time and into that state of Gratitude, you open to so much more than your conscious mind can imagine.
And speaking of conscious mind--that is what came up for me this morning in my gratitude time. I slipped into gratitude gentle and easy this morning. No resistance, just thankfulness. Yet as I sat there breathing in, breathing out and focusing on all that I'm grateful for, I felt something missing. A part of me not there. So I waited--in gratitude.
And who shows up but my ego mind. Also known as beta mind, conscious mind, personality self and a myriad of other names. Letting me know that I have left this very important part of who I am out of the equation of my life way too long.
You see, as a medical intuitive and teacher I work with the subconscious mind because that's where the belief systems are held. But I have ignored a part of me that also plays an essential role in who I am and what I do. My ego.
Ego has been given a bad rap for a long time, being treated like an unwanted, troublesome, and annoying child. And it is anything but. While the ego/conscious mind is only 15% of our reality, 15% is a very big deal and I have spent years pushing it aside, even trying to defeat it as if it was bad.
So we sat together, my ego and I, as I listened to what it needed from me. Acknowledgement, acceptance, love and...wait for it....gratitude. It is that part of me that discerns, makes quick decisions, makes sure I pay my bills on time and even gets me out of bed every morning. And she is the 'gatekeeper' to my subconscious mind. Everything that comes my way that doesn't already fit with my subconsciously held belief systems gets deleted or blocked. The positive intention--and our ego/conscious mind always works from a positive intention, no matter how weird that might seem.
So why is this important? Because the changes I've made internally--in my subconscious belief patterns no longer match what my ego/conscious mind believes. For decades I have believed that struggle, strain, suffering and lack was the only way to live--that's neither good nor bad, that's just what I was trained as a child to believe about life. My life reflected that core belief and I can look back at every situation in my life and see how it played out exactly that way.
Now here I go changing everything subconsciously, but not updating my conscious mind. It's like changing someone's job description after years of doing the same tasks every day, then being being angry because they aren't doing their job!
No wonder I have been experiencing conflict in both my inner and outer world. I now believe something new, but my ego mind is still functioning from old programming. That explains why when I get close to a goal, something happens and it falls short of my desired outcome. Not because anything is wrong with me or not because I can't get what I want. But because I have not let my ego mind in on this new gratitude 'thing' where everything is ease and flow.
I sat there listening to this conversation in my head and my only response finally was....oh...duh.
So I sat in gratitude of my ego/conscious mind, thanking her for all the wonderful, amazing things she has done for me over my lifetime. And I brought her up to speed with my new belief systems. She's on board now--in fact she's REALLY on board. The vision I received was a baby chick riding the waves on a surf board yelling "Ride the waves baby. Ride the waves."
In gratitude,
Bonnie
And speaking of conscious mind--that is what came up for me this morning in my gratitude time. I slipped into gratitude gentle and easy this morning. No resistance, just thankfulness. Yet as I sat there breathing in, breathing out and focusing on all that I'm grateful for, I felt something missing. A part of me not there. So I waited--in gratitude.
And who shows up but my ego mind. Also known as beta mind, conscious mind, personality self and a myriad of other names. Letting me know that I have left this very important part of who I am out of the equation of my life way too long.
You see, as a medical intuitive and teacher I work with the subconscious mind because that's where the belief systems are held. But I have ignored a part of me that also plays an essential role in who I am and what I do. My ego.
Ego has been given a bad rap for a long time, being treated like an unwanted, troublesome, and annoying child. And it is anything but. While the ego/conscious mind is only 15% of our reality, 15% is a very big deal and I have spent years pushing it aside, even trying to defeat it as if it was bad.
So we sat together, my ego and I, as I listened to what it needed from me. Acknowledgement, acceptance, love and...wait for it....gratitude. It is that part of me that discerns, makes quick decisions, makes sure I pay my bills on time and even gets me out of bed every morning. And she is the 'gatekeeper' to my subconscious mind. Everything that comes my way that doesn't already fit with my subconsciously held belief systems gets deleted or blocked. The positive intention--and our ego/conscious mind always works from a positive intention, no matter how weird that might seem.
So why is this important? Because the changes I've made internally--in my subconscious belief patterns no longer match what my ego/conscious mind believes. For decades I have believed that struggle, strain, suffering and lack was the only way to live--that's neither good nor bad, that's just what I was trained as a child to believe about life. My life reflected that core belief and I can look back at every situation in my life and see how it played out exactly that way.
Now here I go changing everything subconsciously, but not updating my conscious mind. It's like changing someone's job description after years of doing the same tasks every day, then being being angry because they aren't doing their job!
No wonder I have been experiencing conflict in both my inner and outer world. I now believe something new, but my ego mind is still functioning from old programming. That explains why when I get close to a goal, something happens and it falls short of my desired outcome. Not because anything is wrong with me or not because I can't get what I want. But because I have not let my ego mind in on this new gratitude 'thing' where everything is ease and flow.
I sat there listening to this conversation in my head and my only response finally was....oh...duh.
So I sat in gratitude of my ego/conscious mind, thanking her for all the wonderful, amazing things she has done for me over my lifetime. And I brought her up to speed with my new belief systems. She's on board now--in fact she's REALLY on board. The vision I received was a baby chick riding the waves on a surf board yelling "Ride the waves baby. Ride the waves."
In gratitude,
Bonnie
Monday, November 7, 2011
My Journey of Gratitude - Day 6
What started out as an Experiment has now become a Journey. My experience so far in 6 days of spending 10 minutes a day in Gratitude has taken on a life of its own and I'm now on a Journey of Gratitude, curious to see where this particular journey takes me.
Gratitude shows up in a myriad of forms-words of thankfulness, music that soothes the soul, visions and symbols, dreams, feelings, new rhythms and beats. There is no one way to be in the state of gratitude--only your way of being there. That may remain the same for you or, like me, change and move differently day to day.
Some days it is easy to feel the flow of gratitude coursing through my being and other days, not so much. This morning is one of those 'not so much' days.
At first I was worried that I couldn't feel that 'mountain top' experience of gratefulness and then I spent precious moment trying to make it happen.
"What a stupid experiment I'm doing! I MUST be grateful! Let me just change that ingratitude to gratitude right now."
Then I heard my inner voice tell me 'Relax into this moment and allow it to be whatever it is.' So I did. I took a deep breath and made the choice (and ALL change begins with a choice) and let go of my preconceived ideas of what I thought being in gratitude should be and allowed myself to just be in the flow of 'what is.'
That doesn't mean that I'm not grateful. I am. I still said my gratitude prayers, thanking & blessing all that I have in my life. I just wasn't 'feeling' it if you know what I mean.
Life has an ebb and a flow--like the tide. So I sat and focused on the ebb and flow of my breathing. In and out. Breathing in and bringing in. Breathing out and letting go. In and out.
Meister Eckhart said "If all you ever say in your whole life is 'thank you' that will suffice.'
So for today I just said 'thank you that I am alive' and I trust that is enough.
In gratitude,
Bonnie
Gratitude shows up in a myriad of forms-words of thankfulness, music that soothes the soul, visions and symbols, dreams, feelings, new rhythms and beats. There is no one way to be in the state of gratitude--only your way of being there. That may remain the same for you or, like me, change and move differently day to day.
Some days it is easy to feel the flow of gratitude coursing through my being and other days, not so much. This morning is one of those 'not so much' days.
At first I was worried that I couldn't feel that 'mountain top' experience of gratefulness and then I spent precious moment trying to make it happen.
"What a stupid experiment I'm doing! I MUST be grateful! Let me just change that ingratitude to gratitude right now."
Then I heard my inner voice tell me 'Relax into this moment and allow it to be whatever it is.' So I did. I took a deep breath and made the choice (and ALL change begins with a choice) and let go of my preconceived ideas of what I thought being in gratitude should be and allowed myself to just be in the flow of 'what is.'
That doesn't mean that I'm not grateful. I am. I still said my gratitude prayers, thanking & blessing all that I have in my life. I just wasn't 'feeling' it if you know what I mean.
Life has an ebb and a flow--like the tide. So I sat and focused on the ebb and flow of my breathing. In and out. Breathing in and bringing in. Breathing out and letting go. In and out.
Meister Eckhart said "If all you ever say in your whole life is 'thank you' that will suffice.'
So for today I just said 'thank you that I am alive' and I trust that is enough.
In gratitude,
Bonnie
Sunday, November 6, 2011
What is Your 'I Am'
Bonnie and I are active in several Yahoo groups, including the Gratitude yahoo group.* In our Yahoo groups we often offer challenges for a better life and one of them is the monthly I Am challenge. It means, what is the aspect of your life that you want to emphasize most during each month? What aspect of your behavior do you want to support and expand?
For the month of November:
My I Am is clearly Gratitude - and it is a part of my entire psyche that I want to keep next to my heart and embrace for all the years I have left in this particular existence.
I am so grateful for the family I had, and for the family I have - my friends - the ones who are new and wonderful and the ones who have had my back for a major part of my lifetime.
I am grateful to be here on the planet as there we some 'iffy' moments that made that questionable - major illnesses, a sky-diving accident, moments in time that I gratefully transitioned through to stay here.
I am grateful for the joyful 'work' I get to do, helping others find the meaning and purpose in their lives, which they already know, and just need to uncover, My first area of study was cultural anthropology and it helps me remember that communities create together and we all make life choices within what we know from others but also from our deepest spirit.
I am so grateful for the family I had, and for the family I have - my friends - the ones who are new and wonderful and the ones who have had my back for a major part of my lifetime.
I am grateful to be here on the planet as there we some 'iffy' moments that made that questionable - major illnesses, a sky-diving accident, moments in time that I gratefully transitioned through to stay here.
I am grateful for the joyful 'work' I get to do, helping others find the meaning and purpose in their lives, which they already know, and just need to uncover, My first area of study was cultural anthropology and it helps me remember that communities create together and we all make life choices within what we know from others but also from our deepest spirit.
So what is your I Am this month - what part of who you are will you acknowledge and love this month in particular?
Love and blessings, Katie
*contact Bonnie to join the Gratitude Yahoo Group
Love and blessings, Katie
*contact Bonnie to join the Gratitude Yahoo Group
Gratitude Experiment--Day 5
Resistance--what a great teacher! It was inevitable this resistance. The conscious mind doesn't think much of change after all and loves the status quo. To spend time in the state of gratitude--and gratitude IS a state of being--opens you up to change. And resistance arises, like an old pair of slippers.
I embraced my resistance and expressed gratitude for it. 'Thank you resistance! How wonderful to see you again old friend. I acknowledge and honor you as being part of who I am. Welcome.' It seemed insane at first to embrace my resistance because, after all, we resist feeling it don't we? But what we resist persists. And so we sat together--my resistance and me. Just sat in gratitude that I actually had resistance--realizing that resistance has a positive intention, which is to keep my safe.
And in that moment of safety I felt the shift. How precious is life! My life, regardless of what I do or don't have, despite the situations I find myself in--my life IS precious. Your life is precious. The very act of living is precious.
Last night my husband & I attended a charity gala. I got all 'gussied up' as my mother called it and Jim wore his tux. We've always had a great time before at this annual gala, but this year was a very different experience. The room was noisy & chaotic and several of the people at our table spent the evening drinking and texting rather than talking.
So we left early and came home. I quickly shed the fancy clothes and slipped into my favorite pair of flannel pajamas. Just the man I love and myself--together and grateful.
That experience last night showed me what I value most--a life of simplicity with people I love and who love me right back. Being myself in every moment. Being grateful for all my experiences--whether I like them or not.
So there I sat in my flannel pajamas filled with happy smiling frogs. Nothing to prove, nothing to do, nothing to be--just me in the moment. Content, happy and grateful for everything.
Enjoying the essence of my life now.
In gratitude,
Bonnie
I embraced my resistance and expressed gratitude for it. 'Thank you resistance! How wonderful to see you again old friend. I acknowledge and honor you as being part of who I am. Welcome.' It seemed insane at first to embrace my resistance because, after all, we resist feeling it don't we? But what we resist persists. And so we sat together--my resistance and me. Just sat in gratitude that I actually had resistance--realizing that resistance has a positive intention, which is to keep my safe.
And in that moment of safety I felt the shift. How precious is life! My life, regardless of what I do or don't have, despite the situations I find myself in--my life IS precious. Your life is precious. The very act of living is precious.
Last night my husband & I attended a charity gala. I got all 'gussied up' as my mother called it and Jim wore his tux. We've always had a great time before at this annual gala, but this year was a very different experience. The room was noisy & chaotic and several of the people at our table spent the evening drinking and texting rather than talking.
So we left early and came home. I quickly shed the fancy clothes and slipped into my favorite pair of flannel pajamas. Just the man I love and myself--together and grateful.
That experience last night showed me what I value most--a life of simplicity with people I love and who love me right back. Being myself in every moment. Being grateful for all my experiences--whether I like them or not.
So there I sat in my flannel pajamas filled with happy smiling frogs. Nothing to prove, nothing to do, nothing to be--just me in the moment. Content, happy and grateful for everything.
Enjoying the essence of my life now.
In gratitude,
Bonnie
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Gratitude Experiment--Day 4
Here's what I experienced from my 10 minutes in gratitude this morning.
Being grateful for your life in this moment, no matter what your current circumstances, does not mean that you are content or ok with where you are. By saying thank you for what is now is not the same as being satisfied for what is. You are not saying "I'm grateful for this debt. I'm grateful for this illness." Or whatever is happening in your life now. That is a common misunderstanding--or fear we often have about saying thank you for what is.
By saying thank you for the money that I DO have expands you beyond the fear of not enough. Thank you for the love I DO have in my life opens you to even more.
Everything is energy. What you think, feel and do is energy. And energy either expands or contracts. Gratitude is an expansive energy and when you take the time to be grateful for even one thing in your life--your energy expands and flows in ways you may not notice. But it does.
Gratitude is more than a feeling. It is a state of being. The more time you spend in this state of being, the more it becomes part of your true nature.
Gratitude is the energy of 'even more'. And you can certainly add that in your thank yous.
Thank you for the business I DO have. I am so grateful. And I open to having even more. Thank you.
Being grateful for your life in this moment, no matter what your current circumstances, does not mean that you are content or ok with where you are. By saying thank you for what is now is not the same as being satisfied for what is. You are not saying "I'm grateful for this debt. I'm grateful for this illness." Or whatever is happening in your life now. That is a common misunderstanding--or fear we often have about saying thank you for what is.
By saying thank you for the money that I DO have expands you beyond the fear of not enough. Thank you for the love I DO have in my life opens you to even more.
Everything is energy. What you think, feel and do is energy. And energy either expands or contracts. Gratitude is an expansive energy and when you take the time to be grateful for even one thing in your life--your energy expands and flows in ways you may not notice. But it does.
Gratitude is more than a feeling. It is a state of being. The more time you spend in this state of being, the more it becomes part of your true nature.
Gratitude is the energy of 'even more'. And you can certainly add that in your thank yous.
Thank you for the business I DO have. I am so grateful. And I open to having even more. Thank you.
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