Wow--a week has gone by already? I guess that's what happens when you can step outside of time for a while. In some ways it feels like just yesterday I began this journey and in other ways--by the changes I'm experiencing--it feels like ages ago. When you step outside of time and into that state of Gratitude, you open to so much more than your conscious mind can imagine.
And speaking of conscious mind--that is what came up for me this morning in my gratitude time. I slipped into gratitude gentle and easy this morning. No resistance, just thankfulness. Yet as I sat there breathing in, breathing out and focusing on all that I'm grateful for, I felt something missing. A part of me not there. So I waited--in gratitude.
And who shows up but my ego mind. Also known as beta mind, conscious mind, personality self and a myriad of other names. Letting me know that I have left this very important part of who I am out of the equation of my life way too long.
You see, as a medical intuitive and teacher I work with the subconscious mind because that's where the belief systems are held. But I have ignored a part of me that also plays an essential role in who I am and what I do. My ego.
Ego has been given a bad rap for a long time, being treated like an unwanted, troublesome, and annoying child. And it is anything but. While the ego/conscious mind is only 15% of our reality, 15% is a very big deal and I have spent years pushing it aside, even trying to defeat it as if it was bad.
So we sat together, my ego and I, as I listened to what it needed from me. Acknowledgement, acceptance, love and...wait for it....gratitude. It is that part of me that discerns, makes quick decisions, makes sure I pay my bills on time and even gets me out of bed every morning. And she is the 'gatekeeper' to my subconscious mind. Everything that comes my way that doesn't already fit with my subconsciously held belief systems gets deleted or blocked. The positive intention--and our ego/conscious mind always works from a positive intention, no matter how weird that might seem.
So why is this important? Because the changes I've made internally--in my subconscious belief patterns no longer match what my ego/conscious mind believes. For decades I have believed that struggle, strain, suffering and lack was the only way to live--that's neither good nor bad, that's just what I was trained as a child to believe about life. My life reflected that core belief and I can look back at every situation in my life and see how it played out exactly that way.
Now here I go changing everything subconsciously, but not updating my conscious mind. It's like changing someone's job description after years of doing the same tasks every day, then being being angry because they aren't doing their job!
No wonder I have been experiencing conflict in both my inner and outer world. I now believe something new, but my ego mind is still functioning from old programming. That explains why when I get close to a goal, something happens and it falls short of my desired outcome. Not because anything is wrong with me or not because I can't get what I want. But because I have not let my ego mind in on this new gratitude 'thing' where everything is ease and flow.
I sat there listening to this conversation in my head and my only response finally was....oh...duh.
So I sat in gratitude of my ego/conscious mind, thanking her for all the wonderful, amazing things she has done for me over my lifetime. And I brought her up to speed with my new belief systems. She's on board now--in fact she's REALLY on board. The vision I received was a baby chick riding the waves on a surf board yelling "Ride the waves baby. Ride the waves."
In gratitude,
Bonnie
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