My 10 minutes of gratitude was very different this morning. After my mind blowing experiences of Day 1 & 2, I met the resistance to change that seems to be pop up when change is threatening to occur. While we often say we want change and even work towards change, when it comes right down to it there is a part that resists the change out of fear.
And that's what I met this morning--my fear of changing! I sat with the fear and listened to its message. What if you get what you want? What will happen to 'me'? ME? Who is the 'me' that was speaking and what is the fear?
Sitting in the energy of gratitude is so powerful because I didn't have to do anything about the fear but witness it. Being in the freedom of gratitude opens me up to more Light and with more Light comes understanding. No judging, no arguing, no wishing anything away. Just more Light.
So in this expansion of gratitude what I realized was that a part of me has been so identified with scarcity, lack and struggle that the very thought of living differently meant annihilation of self. Powerful understanding!
In gratitude I looked at my patterns of struggle and lack--beginning with my parents and how they lived. Reviewing my childhood programming growing up very poor and how I lived what I believed to be real in my first marriage and even now in my relationship with my husband. My unconscious EXPECTATION was that life & marriage IS about struggle, lack and scarcity. What else would I expect because that was what I was trained to believe and trained to do--always worry about money, regardless of how much or little I had.
It explained that no matter how wonderful my life was going I had an unconscious limit to how amazing I could let it be. When I tapped the 'fun meter' as my husband puts it, then my old anxiety and fears were triggered. Once triggered I made decisions and took actions that brought me back to my
old expectations of what was real for me.
Fascinating experience! As I witnessed this all playing out in the Light of gratitude, the old patterns dissolved on their own. And in their place was born something new and fresh and without words--feelings of being more than just OK. An openness to experience a new reality.
That's my thought for today! I would love to hear about your experiences with the Freedom of Gratitude.
In gratitude and thankfullness,
Bonnie
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