The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"
The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."
This is one of my favorite stories. Within this short story lies great wisdom, truth and power--power to make new choices and walk in new directions.
Over the past several weeks I’ve been paying close attention to the stories people are telling me about their lives. It’s amazing the information you receive when you really listen—listen to when someone is talking and to what someone is writing. If you truly want to understand another person, then keep your mouth closed and your ears wide open--really listen to what they are saying—and not saying.
We all have our stories—we have our pain story and our joy story. There isn’t a person walking this earth now that does not have both. You have yours and I have mine.
Our story becomes our reality if we tell it often enough. Regardless of the story we are telling, we continually re-create it just by focusing on it. We breathe life into our story with the words we use, the thoughts we think and the emotions we hold about that story.
And the truth is—our story, whether the pain one or the joy one, is all made up. There is nothing real about our story except for the meaning we attach to it and the attachment we make to the results we get when we hold our story as truth.
There is pain out there in the world and we do get wounded in life. This is a fact of our experience here on earth school. Some of us have deeper, more painful wounds than others. I’m not talking about the wounds themselves. I am talking about the stories that we create around our painful experiences that keep us imprisoned in that pain. Why is it that most of us lead with our pain instead of our joy?
Even in casual conversation or in declining an invitation, many of us lead with the pain story about why we have to say no, can’t be there, can’t do that. Your pain story is everything that comes after the infamous ‘but.’ “I’d love to be there, but...” “I’d do it for you, but…” “I was going to change that, but…”
Then you justify why you cannot or have not yet done something by telling your story of pain.
We all do it. I did it--for years. It was my survival strategy as a child. I learned early on that if I was weak, sick or scared not much was expected of me. Always I would begin with 'I would if I could, but..." and then go on to blame my health, my family or my weak character as a way of keeping expectations of me low. I led with my pain story.
What we are discussing here is not about what is right or wrong. It is just what is. So, if you find that you are always leading with your pain, how do you turn it around?
You start by being honest with yourself. Tell yourself the truth about which 'wolf' you are feeding and what benefits you receive from that choice.
It may be that in some areas of your life you feed the wolf of love and in other situations the wolf of fear. That is human nature-and we are after all human as well as divine.
To know the truth ask yourself these 2 questions?
What wolf am I feeding in this situation?
Do I tend to lead with my pain or my joy?
And the most important question you will ever ask yourself--and it is the question that will lead you to new choices and a new way of being in the world is:
"What do I want instead of what I have?"
Armed with this knowledge you are now empowered to create changes in your life.
We witness your mastery,
Bonnie
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